Cinematic Images That Move You
Forward: The Power of Telling
At first I felt very hesitant about sharing this work. We live in an era of oversharing on the internet while simultaneously making our lives look amazing via our finely tuned, beautifully curated feeds. It’s all about balance right? I toyed with the idea of keeping this process private. I’ve been told I don’t need to explain myself. And that is true. But ironically, I’m an incredibly private person so I’m used to dealing with really hard feelings mostly alone. But you can’t grow if you keep doing the same thing over and over again. More importantly, community is required for healing.
Asking for help felt like one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do. When I finally did— it saved me. I had been screaming through my art for years— and I think that’s what drew me to visual art. I could hide behind my lens. I don’t have to speak. I don’t have to explain. I don’t have to fully share. (Until you have to write those fucking artist statements.) Doing more showing than telling led me to a point where I crashed under the crippling weight of all my feelings. Art wasn’t enough. My foundation of composition and color collapsed.
This is what ultimately guided me to begin my journey with therapy in 2019, where I started to learn about my inner workings. Working on myself was something I avoided through learning a lot about the way other peoples gears shifted and stalled. Now it was time to put this skill into practice but this time it was me who needed a tune up. What I’ve learned about myself is I feel better when I’m honest. The keeping everything private motto is actually what broke me. So while some people may take this project as an overshare, for others like me, those that suffer in silence—this project could be a saving grace.
If by the time I’ve shown Volume I, someone realizes that they can share their feelings with their loved ones, that maybe they should try therapy, that having mental health struggles should not warrant shame or that now is the time to ask for help—this project will have been a success.
During the time I made this work I felt incredibly alone. While I was surrounded by overwhelming amounts of love, support, new friendships, new life experiences and new career successes—I felt empty. Out of fear of feeling too much, I opted to feel nothing.
If there could be one piece of advice I would give to anyone reading and viewing this work it would be do not let this world and your experiences harden you. What they don’t tell you about “toughening” up and “being strong” is that you don’t get to choose which feelings you cut yourself off from. If you completely block out sadness you cannot experience joy. If you make yourself immune to the power of hate you cannot allow love to heal you. Pain loves to grow in the dark. Being numb is not feeling nothing— it’s experiencing everything all at once. Not only is it okay to be vulnerable. It’s necessary.
At its core, this project is for me. It’s a part of my own healing process. While I’m an individual, I also have experiences that are universal. With that being said, This project is also for those who were told to stop crying. For those who feel loudly. For those who have had setbacks in their healing process. For those who don’t know where to start. For those whose pain manifests as anger. Apathy. Self hate. Self harm. Control issues. Overworking. Avoidance. Sadness. Self-medication. Addiction. Perfectionism. Co-dependence. Hyper-independence. Echoism. People-pleasing. For the people who isolate. I see you.
I’m sharing in hopes of reaching those who feel they can’t be helped. I’m also showing this work to shed light on mental health and why it matters. This project is not to receive pity, as I’m writing to you from the perspective of someone who has already taken on my healing. In substitute for potential pity and sympathy, take a moment to look inward, to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t, and to know that healing is a wonderful journey that you don’t have to embark on alone. Thank you for listening. Thank you for viewing. Thank you for feeling.
